No More Tenencia?

For those of you who do not have the privelege of owning a vehicle in Mexico, this will be of little interest. For those that do, you probably know it already: in Mexico we have to pay a tenencia, or tax just to own a car. This on top of all the other taxes that one must pay in Mexico, this great land where those that pay taxes (30% of the population) pay for the other 70% who either evade taxes completely – those at the top end of the economic spectrum with good fiscal lawyers – and those who are ‘too poor’  at the bottom, because ‘ay poooobres‘ the government and politicians feel sorry for them.  They don’t want to help them, educate, raise the minimum wage, whatever; but they do feel sorry for them. And so they don’t pay taxes either.

Once again I digress. I was talking about the tenencia.

In a nutshell, it is a tax that is based on the value of the car and decreases as the car ages. Implemented in the late 1960’s to pay for the Mexico City Olympics, it turned into such a cash cow that it never went away.

There has been talk about the tax being unconstitutional and the voices, during the 20 years I have lived here, have become louder and more strident; this tax is obsolete ie the Olympics have been paid for many times over , it is unconstitutional and should be abolished for once and for all.

In the last presidential election campaign, Felipe Calderón promised to eliminate this tax. Today I received an email that explains that he has eliminated the tax at the federal level and has left it up to each state to decide whether or not they want to continue charging this tax. This is why, in a bold and rare move, the state government of Queretaro has eliminated the tenencia tax altogether. Finally, some good news!

So if you are here in the Yucatan and wondering why we pay this onerous tax, know that it is now in the hands of our governor, not Felipe Calderón.

All Day Tour w the Richards

Lawsons' Personal Driving Service is touring today with the Richards family! First stop: Chicxulub Puerto.


Visiting at the Benito Juarez elementary school through the Chicxulub Food Bank program, run by Sharon, an organization that sponsors needy children and their families. Donations needed and welcome!

Contact me for details if you can help.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Let's Get a Grippe

I'm no doctor, so don't look to me for medical advice.

Did you, dear reader, know that last year, in the US alone, and according to the CDC, 36,000 people died of flu-like symptoms? I read that this morning on CNN.

We don't know how many in Mexico or even if anyone's counting of course, but there's probably a number out there and its more than 1000.

Let's lighten up, shall we?


CNN

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

(thanks to my esteemed colleague from Cape Cod for the Grip vs Grippe headline modification)

Influenza in Mexico

Apparently, there is some sort of influenza bug in the air and there is an alarming amount of cases out there; enough to - according to the press - warrant the IMSS apparently issuing an 'alert' and proceeding to apply vaccines to people already in the hospital system. There are reports that there are no more vaccines in the Mexico City area.

This information was corroborated the other night by a local doctor I happened to have coffee with who said that here in the Yucatan the IMSS did not want to issue a general alert as this would cause a rush on the available vaccines, which, according to this source, were scarce. There is, he said, indeed a shortage of vaccines in spite of a report in the local press citing the contrary for the state of Yucatan. He suggested that if you can, to get a shot.

Influenza is a health problem that affects everyone, but those most susceptible are the very young and older people.

After a long absence...

Another month goes by and there is nothing to write about?

To tell you the truth, my dear readers, I have been absorbed in other things that have taken me away from the NotTheNews blog site and therefore my writing has been somewhat nonexistent. Of course, the fact that there were no more updates on the Chabelo case really put a damper on my inspiration.

There is of course, always something to write about when you are a neurotic foreigner. Although I am coming up to the point where I will have lived as long here as I have elsewhere growing up! 20 and 20 (years).

There is an interesting development regarding the hospital in Alta Brisa. My last post was on the IMSS so here is another health-related note: it seems that the Hospital de Alta Especialidad which was touted as the largest and most advanced medical center in the southeast of Mexico - if not Latin America, oh hell, in the world - has never been opened or inaugurated.

Apparently former President Fox did come to snip some ribbons, but the place was never really opened. It sits there, completely finished (at least from the outside) complete with landscaping and security... EMPTY.

Now a branch of some medical workers labor union has overrun the facility, declaring that they want half the jobs in the hospital to be alloted to their union people and the resignation of the guy running the operation. The local paper Diario de Yucatan shows some of these folks eating tacos and sleeping in the hallways of this brand-spanking new hospital that could be already helping people, but is mired in conflict in true third world fashion.

There was another narco-shooting in Merida this past week, when several men in a vehicle tried to make off with someone and that someone managed to escape the vehicle but not the bullet of a 45 caliber pistol that mangled his forearm. This happened in Mérida's hallowed 'norte' (where the 'nice' people live) and the local papers made the most of it.

Mostly this violence is not affecting anyone outside the sphere of
the business that these folks are in, so nothing to worry about yet. I will be sure to keep you posted.

That about wraps it up this morning, thanks for checking in and hopefully you found something interesting.

Credits: Special thanks to:

• La Rosita for their unwilling and unknowing participation this morning by providing me with the photo of their rather simple salbutes.
  
  
• Theresa for sending me this link: http://www.latimes.com/travel/la-trw-insider28oct28.pg,0,2826129.photogallery?index=1 which highlights the top places for Americans to get arrested. In the world! You live in Mexico? Well read it! Thanks Theresa: you kick started by lazy butt this morning.
  
  
• My dear wife, for making this damn fine coffee that I am drinking as I write.

Chichen Itzá

A visit to Chichen Itzá recently was very interesting, since I hadn't been there in probably 10 or more years!

Turns out you can no longer climb the Castillo - with all those tourists visiting (some estimates put the annual figure at 30 million!) there would be just too much erosion. Back in the day, you not only could climb the Castillo and admire the wonderful view that probably was enjoyed only by the Mayan priests but also go inside the Castillo to see the jade eyes of the jaguar found in its interior. Anyone who had the chance to climb those claustrophobic, humid one-person-at-a-time steps will remember the experience fondly, although the wet smell of all that sweaty humanity was a bit of a turn-off.

Also, the sellers of kitschy souvenirs were outside the ruins, not on the actual grounds as they are now. This is a real distraction when trying to appreciate the grandeur of the ruins; having someone in your face waving a carved mask saying "my fren my fren, goo price for jew" or "here fren" as if you were some kind of dumb ass that was going to obey this canine-like command. Now they are all over the site, which might not be a bad thing if it was a lot more discreet, a little more authentic and they actually sold things made in the region by locals. But to see those mass-produced fleece blankets with the aztec warrior waving in the hot sun was a little jarring.

Think of the money that pours into this site with all those visitors! Walking around the ruins and the entrance lobby, stores and nearby "market" you can only think how awful it looks. Not the ruins, all the crap around it. The restaurants and little 'shops' look like they were designed by a ... I can't think of anyone suitably unqualified. They are not designed at all. Ugly, half-painted concrete, dirty, run down and staffed with indifferent sallow faced employees. No money has been invested in the infrastructure for decades, or so it seems.

I sat in the market area, where you leave the site, watching 2 out of 3 red-faced tourists stumble on the uneven paving stones while glancing over their shoulders at the depressing spectacle of 4 or 5 half-naked Mayan men and boys wearing plastic feathers and half-heartedly performing pieces of a ceremony. Under a tree, a guayabera-wearing young man with a microphone was announcing that the show was free, that people could take pictures at no cost, that the show was about to start, that the show was a real Mayan ceremony, it would start in a few minutes. He narrated what they were doing, which seemed to be the same thing over and over again, in preparation for the show that would start 'eena few meenits". It never really started and no one really took any photos. It was a joke, like the Indian shows at some tourist stop in the US or Canada, or the Aztec dancing at the traffic lights in Mexico City. Is this what the Mayan culture has evolved to? Doesn't anyone see how pathetic this all looks and feels?

While the ruins at Chichen Itzá are as imposing and majestic as ever, it is extremely difficult to reconcile the obvious culture and knowledge of the ancient builders of this impressive site with the mediocrity and complete lack of good taste or sensitivity aka culture of the modern chimpanzees charged with the administration of Chichen Itzá today.

Great Service - Gasolinera Maya

Here is a note about some really nice folks - the staff at the Gasolinera Maya Pemex station on the highway to Progreso (the one that has a crappy 7-11 on the premises).

This gas station has always struck me and my better half as being leagues above the norm in customer service. When you arrive at the pump, the greet you with a smile and "welcome to the Gasolinera Maya" and they actually look like they are happy to see you. They are also one of the first gas stations with a remote credit card terminal so you can pay with debit or credit cards from the comfort of your vehicle.

Yesterday, I filled up one car and paid with my debit card. 2 hours later, I stopped by again with a second vehicle and had that one filled up as well. When I tried to pay with the debit card, there was a communication problem with the terminal and, after two attempts, I tried with the credit card. None went through. Not having any cash on me and with no ATM around, I half-jokingly said, "well, you know who I am, I can come back later and pay you". And guess what? That's exactly what happened! These people just asked me to sign a small slip of paper, leave my name and number and to come back later when the terminal was working again!

I have got to say I was blown away by their confianza and goodwill! I would rate their customer service, on a scale of 1 to 10, at a solid 10. Don't subject yourself to indifferent or bad service (Servicio Campestre, across from Sam's is a consistent and depressing -1 on the service scale, for example) by buying your gasoline anywhere else!

Hewlett Packard Service in Merida, Yucatan

One Christmas, not too many moons ago, my much better half bought me a computer for Christmas; a brand new, top of the line HP computer from Liverpool.

Living as we do in the land of the CFE, the national electricity monopoly that works for the "progress of Mexico" (it says so right there on their logo) while remaining unable to maintain a continuous flow of electricity to its over-paying client/victims, it was inevitable that one day the computer would sputter to a halt, as a result of an afore-alluded-to power problem.

I therefore headed off to Liverpool to ask about service and repair; where to obtain same, and was informed that Liverpool had nothing to do with it since it had been longer than the in-store guarantee and I should visit the 'authorized' HP service center, a company by the name of Genesis located on Avenida Cupules in this formerly white city.

At this once-stately Garcia Gineres area address, Genesis has haphazardly and tastelessly converted a formerly elegant residence and made it into a junky looking office where it is the authorized service center for not only HP but Epson as well. Unsmiling, unhelpful employees abound and eagerly await your departure so they can get back to whatever important tasks they are undertaking.

The receptionist, also unsmiling and rather sad looking, kind of like a mistreated pet, listens with a face totally devoid of either interest or empathy as you explain the problem. She then proceeds to make out a service order in her computer which you then take and off you go.

About a week or two later, I was informed that no problem had been detected with the CPU (a cooling fan problem that caused the machine to shut down at start-up) and that the problem probably lay with my electrical source (ie wall plug). OK. It was running fine here in the shop, they tell me. Fine. I pay my service charge (about $20 USD) pick up my computer and take it home, eager to get it up and running.

You know what happens next. I connected everything and voila, same problem. "Falla en el tubo de ventilacion, se apagara el CPU para evitar daños a la computadora" or something to that effect.

I call them, just a little miffed.

"Well it was working fine here" they answer.

"But it's not working now, here. Can't you come and get it and check it again - here where the computer is actually plugged in - to make up for what was obviously a complete waste of my time and money for the first reparation?" I insist on thinking like a foreigner.

"No, we don't do that."

After asking for and speaking with a supervisor, Genesis agreed that they would come out to pick up the CPU and take it back to the shop, as a customer service gesture, which was evidently not something normally within the scope of their operations.

"When can you come?" I ventured, still on the phone.

"En el transcurso del dia de mañana" - sometime during the day.

"Could you be a little more precise since there is no one in the house and I would have to come back from work to get you access to the PC so you can check it out."

"No, we would call you before coming to let you know. Can you give us your home number?"

"If I give you my home number, no one will answer it because there is no one there. I can give you my cell phone number and you can call me and we can meet at the house." I am starting to think that not only are these people not particularly service-oriented, they are also a little cerebrally challenged. And here comes the best line of this whole exchange:

"No, a cell phone won't work."

"Why?" This is wierd.

"We just need a regular phone number, not a cell phone."

"Are you telling me that you can't or don't have permission to call cell phones to communicate with your clients?!" I am suspecting this and can not believe what I am hearing.

"Asi es" is the response I get.

To keep this story from going on forever: I finally wrangled a three hour time frame from them and we were set. The technicians came and checked the computer, which did not respond to their repeated attempts at starting it up; the technician doing the rebooting was even spinning the ventilation fan by hand and saw that it was indeed, stuck. So they took the CPU back to the shop. That was mid-July.

A few days later I was informed that the CPU was working fine and it was indeed a problem with my electrical outlets. Knowing the CFE and how electricity comes and goes, I did not consider this outrageous and resigned myself to hiring an electrician to come and break apart my walls and re-cable everything. Viva Mexico. At the shop, a different technician, one I hadn't seen before, escorted me into the back area where my CPU was, to demonstrate to me that it was working just fine, there in the shop. The technician I had previously talked to was on the phone with me at the same time making sure that the gringo (me) could see that it worked and would he please leave us the hell alone. The technician in front of me flicked the switch and lo and behold, "Falla en el tubo de ventilacion, se apagara el CPU para evitar daños a la computadora". There is a god and he is just, I am thinking.

The guy on the phone wants to talk to the technician "no puede ser" he says to the guy in front me.

"I'm looking right at it." he replies. "Yes, it's the right computer" he insists.

OK. Now they will have another look at it. I should come back later. They will let me know.

In the last week of August, having heard nothing about my computer and having received no phone calls (at home) to update me on what was happening, I visited the sad receptionist again and she informed me that the problem was now the motherboard and they had not gotten a price for its replacement and that is why they hadn't called. Oh. And would it not have been nice to let me know that they had made this discovery and perhaps given me a call to inform me about the ongoing saga and perhaps get an opinion from me as to whether or not to proceed? This unreasonable remark provoked only a shrug from the sad receptionist and I again left with the idea that I would be called as soon as they had a price for the new motherboard.

On September 30, I drove for the fourth and last time to Merida's Hewlett Packard 'service' center. No, I hadn't received a call (at home). I just figured it was time to rescue that CPU before the technology became completely obsolete and my family photos were lost forever. A sallow faced individual who was obviously there against his will on a prison work experience program judging from his attitude, looked at my worn piece of paper, got my CPU and asked me to sign. He also asked me to pay. For what? I asked. Nothing has been done and the original 'revision' had already been paid for. Oh yeah. OK. Es todo. And I was free to go.

Hewlett Packard - you should be ashamed at having these people represent your company! All that advertising money spent so that people take this memory with them when they have a problem with your equipment! Why should anyone buy a HP product and not a 'patito' brand instead? The service will be the same, so why pay more?

Hurricane Dean - Merida, Yucatan

In case anyone turns to this blog as a source of up to date information on Merida, let me start by saying that as far as Merida goes, we are all safe and well.

There is, at the time of this writing (9:50 AM on Tuesday, August 21st) some light wind with occasional gustiness if that is a word, a little rain and there are clouds overhead. No fallen or uprooted trees, no flipped cars. Nada.

Hurricane Dean has decided to explore the area around Majahual, where it came ashore and is now travelling across the peninsula through Chetumal and will pop out somewhere on the Campeche side and then revisit Mexico around Veracruz.

Now I just have to find a place for my trunkful of bottled water...

Day Trip to Ek Balam and Ria Lagartos - Part III

A short 10 minute drive along a narrow secondary road from Rio Lagartos takes you to the small seaside town of San Felipe. One is immediately struck by the enormous difference between the chaotic, undeveloped ugliness of Rio Lagartos and the ordered, colorful main street of San Felipe! While San Felipe is not the french riviera, you can see that there is someone, somewhere, concerned with keeping the town's aesthetic intact.

Multi-colored wooden houses with fences, wide and clean sidewalks and actual planters with ornamental plants in them are what greet you as you make your way down the main street towards the beachfront.

Since the purpose of our visit to San Felipe was to find a restaurant, we looked for and found our destination, the El Payaso seafood restaurant. The Casual Restaurant Critic, who was along for the ride, can tell you all about it on his blog.

After a delicious seafood lunch, a short drive around town and then we were off to Mérida, this time via Buctzotz and the secondary roads that eventually lead you through Motul and finally Mérida, where we arrived 4 hours later. With the rain and the dark, it made for some hairy driving experiences what with unmarked road improvements and the occasional unannounced speed bump or tope, but we made it in one piece.

Day Trip to Ek Balam and Ria Lagartos - Part I

A recent outing with visitors to the coastal pueblo of Ria Lagartos via Ek Balam has prompted me to write a comment or three, and will perhaps be of interest to those thinking about venturing out there while vacationing in the Yucatan.

First of all, an early start is required, since you are looking at a few hours of driving. We left Merida at 7 AM and arrived, via the toll highway to Cancun and got off at the Valladolid exit, paying the 120 pesos or so for the privelege of avoiding all the small towns - and their topes - along the way. From there, since Valladolid itself was not on this itinerary, we immediately headed towards Tizimin, the capital of Yucatecan cattle country.

But first, a stop at the town of Temozón. Brief note to the observant: there are several Temozones in the Yucatan, including Roberto Hernandez' hacienda called Temozon Sur, on the road to the Puuc region and Temozon Norte, which is a newly or soon to be municipalized (is that even a word?) residential 'suburb' of the city of Merida.

This Temozon, is the Municipio de Temozon, just outside Valladolid on the Tizimin highway - you can't miss it. A good friend had recommended stopping there since the town is famous for it's smoked meat (pork) and one could have tacos there for breakfast. While we found several 'puestos' or storefronts advertising the local delicacy, most were closed. The one that was open did sell the smoked meat and even gave us a sample, but did not offer taco service until later. As it turns out, he had neglected to mention that you needed to buy the meat and then find a tortilleria and make your own...

Since we were a little peckish, we stopped at the taco vendor in front of Temozon's modest church and had tacos de lomitos de Valladolid, complete with the obligatory pieces of hard boiled egg on top as well as tortas de carnitas. Delicious and cheap. $50 pesos with a tip included.
Then, on to the Mayan ruins of Ek Balam, which is well marked on the same Tizimin highway. We were there in about 10 -15 minutes and were able to take advantage of the fact that it was not that hot yet. Still, the sauna-like combination of the rainy season and sunshine was enough to leave everyone sweating profusely.

After paying the $27 peso entry fee, which does not particulary have anything to do with the 'official' rates posted, you are in. The ruins are partially excavated and there is plenty of vegetation to provide shade. Many facades and details have been restored and the INAH (Instituto Nacional de Antropologia e Historia) have installed plaques with descriptions in English, Spanish and Mayan, of the particular building you are looking at.

The climb to the top of the pyramid, one of the largest in the Yucatan in terms of the actual square meters its base occupies, is a long, steep climb but the view from the top is breathtaking, if you have any breath in you after the climb. It is said that on a clear day you can see the Mayan ruins of Chichen and Coba from this vantage point. Halfway up, is a restored entrance which is roped off, in the shape of a jaguar's mouth complete with giant teeth. This is a detail that is unique to this archealogical site, according to my guide.


Besides checking out the cleared and partially restored buildings, it is possible to walk a path around the un-restored ruins, covered with giant trees. This is what I did and was able to find a midden, or what appeared to be one. As you may or may not know, a midden is a site where the ancients dumped their trash and which is a virtual gold mine for archeologists. This particular midden was in remarkably well-preserved condition, so I took a photo which I share with you here.

After visiting the site, which took us about an hour, we were once again on the road, heading towards Tizimin and our final destination, Rio Lagartos.

Everything was going swimmingly when the sky began to acquire a metallic dark grey color and a few very large raindrops began to spatter on the windshield.


- continued -

NotTheNews Reader Map

NotTheNews Candidate for Governor

NotTheNews, as a foreigner-published website with a limited readership, has absolutely no right - and makes no attempt to - interfere in the local election process, so I won't even pretend that I am influencing anyone here, beyond stating a personal opinion.

Sin embargo, and in response to a reader's question (previous post) I think that Ana Rosa Payan (PAN) is the best choice for governor of the fine state of affairs that is Yucatan.

She is not even the 'official' candidate yet, but one of three candidates vying for the position from the PAN political party. PAN, for those of you reading from some other place than the tuch of the world, means Partido de Accion Nacional, or National Action Party. The current president, Vicente Fox, as well as his successor Felipe Calderon and the present governor of Yucatan are all from the PAN party which was Mexico's second strongest political force, behind the PRI (Partido de la Revolucion Institucional or Institutional Revolutionary Party). After Fox was elected, the PAN became Mexico's prominent political force.

Back to Yucatan: of the three PAN candidates (lackluster and overtly conciliatory to business Xavier Abreu and over-the-top silly Luis Correa, still riding on his father's many accomplishments) this neurotic non-interfering foreigner believes that Ana Rosa is the only one that has any huevos (and the other two are MEN who should have some, but don't) and will be able to do whatever is necessary to move Yucatan forward, in spite of whatever interests and old-school impediments that might present themselves.

As mayor of Merida, her attempt to modernize the stinking cesspool that is Merida's market was met with much criticism but she actually did something rather than just talk about it. She faced down angry, spoiled locatarios who would have to move their hovels to a different location (they pay next top nothing for the right to occupy these spaces; they should be glad they have a place to sell their crap at all and not have to act like a real business anywhere else).

After seeing her dodge insults and thrown objects as well as a lot of pushing and shoving she had me convinced. Add to that the fact that she has taken her stilted, squawky speaking style and become a lucid and fluent orator (which means she is capable of taking a look at herself and making improvements) has made her a definite forerunner in this race for the governor's postion... IMHO.

Manual for Anarchy (by Jorge Alvarez Rendon)

This is an editorial written by Jorge Alvarez Rendon for the Diario de Yucatan newspaper, which came out on Monday, October 23, 2006 that comments on the state of affairs in this fine country which seems to be rapidly falling into anarchy.

I thought it most pertinent and, as usual for anything written by this observer/writer, extremely well written and to the point. For Mexico is not just palm trees and cheap servants. There are things that anyone contemplating a move here should know; they just might take for granted that these little details, the solution of which would seem obvious and a done deal, were already taken care of. They are not.

I have tried to translate it as closely as possible to the original including the tone as well as the message.

For a little background, read up on recent events in the Mexican state of Oaxaca, the state of juvenile law in Yucatan and student protests in Mexico. The idea is not to alarm anyone, but to really alarm everyone, so that maybe a little pressure will make the authorities actually DO something.

W

---------

Anarchy Manual

It's wonderful and very healthy to be able to do whatever one wants, whatever one feels like doing. Here are some tips on how to go about doing just that:

The first tip is only for those who have their voter registration card, who have a penchant for social revindication and who are sick and tired of historical slights and inequalities.

Go shopping for a straw hat, a red bandana and a can of white spray paint. Get yourself a decent machete (you can buy a quality model just off the Calle Ancha del Bazar here in the formerly-white city of Merida) and head - together with another 200 like-minded persons - towards the city's center. Make sure your that the timing of your procession coincides with that time of the day when downtown Merida's traffic is at it's horn-blaring, exhaust-spewing worst.

Once you are there, do whatever it is you have always wanted to do; don't hold back or hesitate; let your thirst for justice run wild, unleash all your fury.

Overturning cars is good, setting busses on fire better; go ahead and spray paint graffitti on storefront windows and historical buildings, block access to public buildings, kidnap anyone who happens by and destroy anything belonging to the community you can get your judiciary hands on.

You need not fear punishment or the application of any law for that matter. The National Commission for Human Rights is there for you 24 hours a day. No government authority will even attempt to get in the way of your fun. We have spent far too many centuries in achieving this level of freedom of expression to have someone come and reprimand us 'just because'.

Important Note: The mob is indispensable. Do not attempt this alone since this will result in you facing a judge and perhaps being sentenced to 15 years in jail.

The second tip is for those under the age of 17; adventurous, red-blooded youths suffering from misunderstandings great and small.

First, you must acquire a knife in the market known as Bazar Garcia Rejón, where rules regarding the sale of such artifacts are completely and happily ignored. After about a week, the idea is to stand on a street corner in your neighborhood with other under-age and resentful teens where you can show off your new weapon.

One night - any night will do - feeling a little offended, misunderstood or just in a bad mood, you insert blade of the afore-mentioned weapon into the lower abdomen of some person who happens to be nearby and that you don't particularly care for very much, keeping the blade lodged there until the victim is most assuredly dead. When the Ministerio Publico (read police) arrive - if they do at all - it is important not to offer up any resistance and shed copious tears for all the injustices suffered in the past: abuse by parents and teachers, police brutality, globalization, a drug problem etc.

In no time at all, the victim will not be the stiff cadaver, in whose defense no one will speak, but you! We can bet that a psychologist will be dispatched to look into your case, a file will be started on you and a tutor assigned as well. All this will happen in the 48 hours after your detainment, after which you will be set loose so you can get on with your life, no worries. Isn't it great this doing whatever we want?

The third tip is for disgruntled students unwilling to accept internal rules, statutes, federal laws and other minutae that tend to make one's existence such 'a drag'.

Get about 50 students together - either sex is fine - get an attitude happening and start making protesting gestures. The group isn't complete without the six or seven students who have Shakira lyrics wallpapered on their brains and for whom 'soneto' is a Nestlé ice cream product.

Yell as loudly as possible about your rights as pubescents and the future of the country and remember as many old, communist-era protest chants as possible. "Si la leche es poca, al niño le toca" (if there's only a little milk, give it to the children) "El hijo del obrero va primero" (the workers child comes first) etc.

Demand to be able to wear ear and nose rings, tattoos, pendants; color your hair and use any cosmetic you feel like. Insist on the use of cellular phones in class, sale of condoms in the school store. Your opinions must be absolutely respected, even if you demand this in language that otherwise might have been known as foul. Demand also more comprehension from school principals and counsellors. Praise the attitude of those teachers who are indeed, understanding, and do not hesitate to physically remove those teachers bold enough to attempt to restore some semblance of order. In the case of these, there is a formulaic approach that cannot fail: accuse them of sexual harrassment, of groping, of leering and lusting disgustingly. Go ahead and dare to do whatever you feel like. What could possibly happen to them that wouldn't be for their own good? The crime of slander doesn't even exit anymore in the penal code. You can defame someone, walk all over their reputation with big muddy boots, do whatever you want! The SEP (the federal Ministry of Education) will support you and the DIF (federal organism that oversees social programs for the young) will be most understanding.

Be happy

ExPat Quiz Notes

Thanks to JW for an expat quiz found at http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Mexico:-Expat-Quiz&id=66612 which is, actually a little lame, in the Neurotic Foreigners opinion. For one thing, Mexicans don't 'eat styrofoam plates' and 'large mountainous piles of dog poop on the sidewalks' would imply that sidewalks are commonplace. The aforementioned canine excrement can be found much more readily on the many sidewalks of Paris or Cologne.

The expat quiz - IMHO - could be a little more sublime; something along the lines of the questions outlined in the following

Are You Ready to Become an ExPat in Yucatan? Questionnaire.

For Regular Folks

1. Do you like the idea of giving up the newspaper as a source of objective news?
2. Do you enjoy the bumper car attraction at your local fair enough to engage in this activity on a daily basis with your own personal commuting device?
3. While on the subject of driving, do you find painted lanes, traffic signs and other such nonsense to be simply a restriction on your personal freedoms in a libertarian sort of way?
4. Does the idea of spending a week or more renewing your FM3 permit (lo siento, pero le faltó la copia de su _____) on an annual basis make you feel good about governments in general?
5. Do you enjoy receiving bi-monthly electricity bills for peso amounts completely at odds with your actual consumption?
6. When you complain to the omnipotent CFE about the previously mentioned point and realize that it is they themselves who determine - and no one else - what to charge, do you think "Wow, these folks are really efficient!"
7. How about power outages on a weekly or 'whenever it rains' basis? Do those make you think how lucky you are to be able to enjoy conversations with neighbors or dust off that scrabble board and think of interesting words (mayan ones don't count) by candlelight?
8. Do you feel superior and get an ego boost when Mexicans jack up the price of anything they're selling (car, house, rent, whatever) when they see the color of your freckles and hear your terrible accent?
9. Do you enjoy, and find challenging, remodeling your home on a continuous basis, thereby providing employment for many and varied tradespeople, each of whom will undermine the work done by the previous one?
10. Does the adoption of stray street dogs and treating them like pampered family members make you feel that somehow you have changed and become a better person?

If you answer "Why, YES" to any number of these questions, you may indeed be ripe for expatriation. Come on down!

Of course there are many more items and perhaps one day I will put them up, especially those related to work and business ownership.

Halloween in Merida aka Hanal Pixan

The neurotic foreigner writing this always delights in the confusion surrounding what, in fact, Yucatecans are 'supposed' to celebrate at the end of the month of October. The great majority of gringos and slightly misplaced Canadians continue to have some sort of instinctive Pavlovian reaction to the idea of what to do on October 31st, while at the same time being appreciative and respectful of local traditions, which in the case of Mexico and Yucatan in particular, means the Day of the Dead.

Locally, it is called Hanal Pix'an, or Feast of the Souls and the celebration consists of making special foods, mainly the xec, a mixed salad of chopped jicama, citrus fruit, cilantro and chile and the wonderful mucbipollo aka pib, a large tamal preferably baked under ground, where the smoky heat imbues this classic fall dish with a distinctive flavor.

But you could learn more about these traditions from all kinds of websites and pages out here in internet-land. Do a search on Hanal Pixan and you are there. It is not the intention of the neurotic foreigner to pretend to give readers a class on local customs.

One web page you will not learn anything from is: http://thematrix.sureste.com/cityview/merida2/articulos/hanal.htm where the translation has been done so literally and stiltingly as to make it completely and utterly incomprehensible. Done up by some extremely low-payed employee of the local Enlaces y Comunicaciones (or just typed into some online translation web page), it is really quite hilariously embarassing. Some personal highlights, lifted directly from the page above, include:

• The "Hanal pixán ", or eaten of the bores, is a tradition of the Mayan town that takes to the end to remember of a special way the friends and relatives who went ahead in the eternal trip.

Now the dearly departed may be dead, but surely not all of them were bores so as to warrant calling the whole event Eaten of the Bores! In fact, it sounds more like a horror flick by Wes Craven, where poor folks in small villages were consumed and digested by out of work movie critics whose critiques were so boring they were relegated to eating villagers...

• salt but: tortilla to which meat is put to him underneath ollejo and soon is fried to eat. The name is formed by Salt: light, and But: to insert, that is to say, slightly inserted.

I have lived in Merida for close to 20 years, and have never seen this local dish called by this name. I thought it was a salbut. Maybe there is new saltier version out there. And to have meat put underneath your ollejo sounds positively pornographic, even without that last phrase 'slightly inserted'. In fact the definition doesn't make any sense: If Salt in Mayan means Light and But to Insert Slightly what you have is a flashlight up your butt. Really, now.

Definitely have a look at the page! It's a riot.

Oh, and before you get your knickers in a twist and start composing your email to me saying that I am such a culturally insensitive boor and how dare I criticize this poor third world attempt at explaining what is obviously a charming pagan ceremony, let me clarify three things: a) I LOVE the Hanal Pixan and have made altars myself and am an avid consumer of copious quantities of mucbipollos (with or without espelon, limpios or with bones) thereby stimulating the local underground economy; b) the page is maintained by probably the largest and most important media company in the Yucatan with newspapers and more and enough of a budget to warrant a proper translation and c) I have personally offered at one point to translate for these folks, especially in the embarassing tourism translations department, and had no takers.

From White City to Red City - More Lawlessness: Juvenile Murder OK

This would be hilarious if it wasn't quite so frightening. A teenager was killed - stabbed to death - in the last few days by another teenager. The police apprehended the killer who turned out to be a juvenile (under 18 here) and when the individual appeared before the judge, the case was thrown out because

THERE IS NO PROSECUTION FOR CRIMINAL CASES INVOLVING JUVENILES IN THE STATE OF YUCATAN

Apparently there is some sort of loophole at the local level that doesn't quite jibe with the rest of the country's criminal laws. So, the same old tired PRI, PRD and PAN politicians discuss and argue about the trivialities and stupidities they argue about, usually involving funding of something or other, while this charming and little known (until this latest case brought it up) problem lies waiting for another life to be lost without consequence.

Imagine the impact on a previously unknown segment of the tourism industry! Their slogan could be: If you are 17 and want to kill someone, no problem! You don't have to enlist in the Marines and go through all that training to go to Iraq, just come to Merida and fulfill your fantasy without fear of consequence! Stab 'em, rob 'em, kill 'em. No problem. Merida - the Red City!

Of course this could wreak havoc with other tourism industry market segments, like all those gringos who have come down to buy old houses and inflate real estate prices, retiring and all that.

I am hoping that enough gringos read this before coming to Merida and that they will think twice about it; hopefully the tourism sector will protest with the potential in lost revenue and something will be done. In the past, my little website has been criticized by a few ignorant locals who think that it causes economic harm to the Yucatan. Well I hope this particular news item DOES cause economic harm and makes all the idiot politicians get their priorities straight.

Only in Merida can you Flip off a Cop and Get Away with it!

This just in. This week, a little note appeared in the local Diario de Yucatan newspaper, that bible of all things Yucatan, in the Policia section, one of my favorites.

Turns out that a lady told off a Puma which, in the Yucatan, is not a large cat but a division of the local state police. If you live here you've seen 'em; they're the ones that ride around on motorcycles in dark blue uniforms with a machine gun strapped to their backs, wearing extra-dark sunglasses. The Puma in question didn't like the lady's tone and asked her to pull over; she ignored him, closed her car window and sped off. The cop gave chase and again asked her to pull over. She again gave him a piece of her mind and sped off yet again. The frustrated policeman called for backup and with the help of another two motorcycle policemen tried to get her out of her car, but she refused.

When they were about to proceed to the next level, which in this case was getting the car onto a tow truck with the driver inside (this is done here, not to worry) another fine, upstanding lady appeared to appeal on the first woman's behalf. She apologized and said the lady was a little nuts (duh) and that she (the second lady) was a friend of the Chief of Police, Don Javier Medina and that she was a member of the PAN party (the party in power in the city and state government at the moment) and that she would take the lady home.

Amazingly (can you see this happening in Philadelphia or Innsbruck?) the police backed off and let the two go!

This is really a great country! Not only can someone who is obviously out of their mind drive a car, they can also mouth off to a policeman and then have some influential friend get them off. The people from the PAN complained ad nauseum when this happened in Mexico's PRI (the former ruling party) years; now they are doing the same thing!

So those of you thinking about retiring in Merida, come on down! It's a wonderfully lawless land where anything goes! In fact it's amazing that anything gets accomplished at all!